As soon as we are born the importance of honesty and
openness is thrust upon us. Don’t tell lies, they say. Share your toys. Don’t
be selfish. We are encouraged to share all of ourselves routinely. Whilst doing
all of this we are expected to find who we are as a person. At no point are we
encouraged to take time out for ourselves, until it is too late and we are so
over run and over stressed that we simply don’t have the time to regroup.
I used to be a ‘people person’. I used to believe strongly
in needing other people to help you get through things and to make your life
easier. Until I had to go through something that was entirely personal and that
no-one in the world could ever get me through, even with the best of intentions.
And I realised, that in that period of time, I was completely alone, and that
factoring other people into my decisions during that time frame just made me
more confused and lost. It got me thinking about the rest of my life, and how,
in a depressing but somehow liberating way, no-one will actually ever know you
at all. You can get really sad about that; incredibly sad, actually. That for all the effort you put into maintaining friendships, forging relationships, it's all for naught, because no-one will ever know the real you.
Now that seems a grand statement I’m sure, but when you
actually think of your day-to-day life, the different people you encounter, the
different social circumstances, the human being is never one distinct
personality. We are incredibly three dimensional characters, social chameleons.
We always change ourselves for other people, no matter how minute the change.
The way we act in front of one particular friend - the things we’d say, the
things we refrain from doing because of judgement - varies. But ultimately, we
have one interest in life and it goes against everything we are taught is right,
and that is self-preservation.
It is the reasoning that drives all decisions made in life,
and it made me think – is there such a thing as a selfless individual? Why is
being selfish actually so bad? It seems
logical to blame all the bad things in life on being selfish, and these things
are discouraged. But there are ‘good selfish’ decisions. And I don’t mean
leaving an abusive relationship but forsaking your children a two parent home,
or anything as drastic as that. It can be as simple as caring for a sick
relative. Why do we do it? Yes, because we care about that person, and yes
because society expects you do to do so. But also because we must do it, so we
can say at the end of it that we did all we could. So nobody could find us wanting. I don’t think of myself as a particularly
selfish individual, but as I get older, I understand selfish action more and
more clearly. I am more inclined to be selfish because, throughout your life,
you must be your own best friend. I don’t
think there is ever such a thing as ‘knowing who you are’, because by the time
you’ve figured it out, you’re already changing again. People are a fickle
thing.
The only thing that keeps us from acting selfishly day in
and day out is a guilt and morality. But, maybe we judge those who care little
for other’s opinions on their actions too harshly. You have to ask yourself, I
guess, who is really the fool? The person who goes about life exactly the way they
want, with no regrets on any decision made. Or the average Joe, like you and me,
who are constantly limited by having to factor in other people into our
decisions.
I’m not suggesting everyone sticks their middle finger up to
everyone else from here on in, because that would be catastrophic. But perhaps
we all need to sit down once in a while and do something. Not because anyone
else wants you to, but just for yourself.
Just be yourself.
