So last night I went to see the long awaited Breaking Dawn. Fans will claim that they were excited to see the latest instalment in the franchise because in terms of content, Stephanie Meyer has gone freakin’ bananas and just invented crazy storyline possibilities all over the place (We are all under the illusion that our lovely Edward is as fertile as a vasectomy patient, but no! He has a few vampire/human hybrids left in him yet!). However, I think any honest person will simply admit that we all went to see Robert Pattinson.
Or rather, Robert Pattinson having sex.
We crammed into the cinema (Full again, despite the film being released over a week ago now,) amongst a diverse range of ages, from your spotty teenager to your middle aged mother. Even though there was the pretence we were all there for the dramatics, it was blatantly obvious as soon as the film began that we were all waiting for one particular scene. In fact, if someone had shouted “Just bone her already,” I would not have been shocked. In fact, I may have responded with “Hear, hear!”
A lot of people who appear to harbour an intense hate for the Twilight saga generally tend to fall into two categories;
1) Die hard Harry Potter fans who are truly mortified that anyone should ever write a best seller after J.K.Rowling. SACRILEGE!
2) Actual film/book buffs who appreciate good acting/writing.
It tends to get quite annoying. When I start talking about Twilight, I don’t want someone to launch into how it is a typical teenage angst novel with no plausible plot or storyline. I don’t want to hear about how the acting is mediocre at best. I don’t go into the cinema expecting Oscar winning performances, but anyone with eyes can safely contest to the fact that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart set fire to the screens (And my ovaries,) with all their awkward drama, and that Stephanie Meyer, whilst perhaps not the best writer ever Amen, can definitely write a story that will have you turning the pages in rapture. There is a fantastic blend of normality and abnormality captured in the book. The emotions that simmer between the protagonists is tangible, and so very typical of teenage lust. We’ve all felt it, and I don’t think it can be described with flowery words and overt expressions. Their love is ordinary and extraordinary in the same time, and I think it is a quiet genius that has helped Meyer to perfect this. So much so that you sometimes forget that Edward is a vampire. Their struggles appear genuine, and as for the emphasis on sex, so what? I think we can all agree that people, females in particular, are encouraged to save their virginity for someone ‘special’ ; the last time I checked, Edward is about as ‘special’ as a guy can get!
After that brief (!) rant about the literary criticism, I’ll get to the crux of the issue and perhaps what made me a tiny bit confused: the rating. As a 12A, you’d expect allusion to sex, maybe some heavy make-out scenes. It would leave parents the possible ‘get out of jail free’ card, maybe so they could turn to their daughter or son and casually remark, “Oh look, Edward and Bella are playing the lying down game naked. Bella’s actually really bad at it.” I know we all wanted a steamy sex scene, and much as I did enjoy the bizarre flash of K Stew’s nipple (Just in case we had any doubts that they naked in bed...naked,) I was convinced that the only reason that film was not a 15 was because they knew if they bumped up the age restriction, they would successfully eliminate half of their target market. Yes, it appears girls who have not yet hit puberty/realised they have a uterus at all are also affected by the mysterious form of “Rob Rays” that he gives off.
Other than that, the film really did deliver well in terms of effects. Taylor Lautner as Jacob is still perpetually irritating to me (He looks unfortunately like he’s about to sneeze all the time), but as a wolf he was truly spectacular. I particularly liked the generic “I just punched a wolf” noise supplied for most of Emmett’s attacks. To the director’s credit, my heart beat was pounding in all the right places, and I was reminded that people’s biggest downfall when it comes to enjoying the film is learning to accept the slight cheesiness and just not caring! The film also wins points for a majorly cute baby. As for the soundtrack, well, as always, it’s excellently brooding. Sleeping At Last’s “Turning Pages” was so beautiful and apt that it made me cry in the cinema. It doesn’t matter whether you’re reading this and you hate Twilight and all it stands for, there is no denying that the song is beautiful.
In conclusion, irrespective of Jasper’s constant look of constipation, Bella’s disgusting vomiting and Rob Pattinson’s freakishly long toes, I really did think that this was the best film so far.
Oh, and by the way...
TEAM EDWARD! *FANGIRLS*
